I Love you , That is All I Really Know
by Basslady
Summary: Now, all she could see was him kissing her hand as she went into labor. Him with messy hair and clothes as he took care of their many future kids. She and him dancing in their kids weddings. She and him growing old celebrating the successful life they had
1. Chapter 1

Blair made sure every dish Chuck loves are placed on the table. Her heart was beating in anticipation at the thought of seeing him after those months. She thought she would get used to it by now, but the butterflies still fly in her stomach making her weak in the stomach. Her husband traveled a lot for business and she drowned into her work. As a lawyer, she finally put her scheming to good cause.

The door opened and she sat there as if they have dinner every night together. It always was like that. They wait all this time for this time, and then when it comes they pretend it's the most natural thing in the world.

He walked in and placed a tender kiss on her cheek, which made the butterflies protest and attack her stomach , and then he sat across of her looking at the food to see what there was for dinner. As if it wasn't the same every time.

They talked the usual conversation. How is work? How is Nate? How is Serena? Too much work pressure?

And after Blair would tell him about a funny case she had to deal with, she would stroke his hand.

Normally , that it when they'd break there façade and he'd take her right there and then on the dining table telling her how much he missed her.

But he just kept his eyes on his plate ,and said :" Not now. We have all night. You need to eat you are too thin."

Better too thin than too fat.

That is when she realized that he and not look at her once this evening. Usually he would observe her every move with a gaze so burning she would accidently almost cut herself while cutting her meat.

Something was up. She could feel it.

She said :" Chuck." She cursed herself as she heard the slight shivering in her voice. It was almost inaudible but there. Chuck apparently heard it too because he looked up at her.

His eyes were numb, they had no expression, but beneath the black surface there was a weak brown in the middle.. And in the place of the butterflies there was something kicking her in the gut. And the brown in the middle spread and his eyes became vulnerable and he swallowed hard. She dropped her fork by mistake and its sound broke the silence . It was like a wakeup call. At that moment

**She knew**.

He cheated on her. He got lonely and drunk and he cheated on her for one night.

The pain engulfed her and she could hear her heart break into two. She broke eye contact and stared at her plate. She took small bites and played with her food. Maybe it's not true. , maybe you are jumping into conclusions, Blair told herself.

Chuck said :" Blair." It came out half-strangled . She looked up. He had his arm outstretched and he raised up his fork demanding she eats the full of calories bite. She looks at it in disdain. A minute passed and he lowered his fork and its sound made him flinch. Because at that moment

**He knew that she knew.**

Blair and Chuck stared at their plates and they did not even eat. Then Chuck coughed and said :" I am thinking of building a new hotel.'

Blair nodded encouragingly. Then she took a bite so that she doesn't have to talk. The last thing she needed was to break down in front of him. She needed to figure things out before.

He continued :" Maybe one closer to here."

She nodded and continued eating bite after bite.

Then she looked up at him and he was looking at her with a strangled smiled. As if this would be the last time he sees her.

At that moment

**She knew that he knew that she knew.**

She said cheerfully:" Time for dessert."

They ate desserts in silence. Chuck said :" I have been thinking of taking a vacation for a while. I have a great success and I want to spend more time with you…… Blair?'

Blair looked at him as if he did not say anything at all.

She said :" You were saying?"

He said :" Never mind."

She shrugged. Chuck was surprised , his Blair never let anything pass.

The silent was frustrating so he said :" Please pass me the salt."

She gave it to him. Their fingers brushed and they both winced.

Then Chuck took her hand into his. She removed by reflex as if his hand was made of fire.

At that moment

**He knew that she knew that he knew that she knew.**

**He loves her, that is all that he really know.**

**She knew everything.**

"Blair." Chuck said in a voice of desperation. In a voice of promises , of apologies , and of need. It was a plea. A plea not to leave him .

Blair said :" Are you done with your cheese cake?"

He said :" I don't want it."

She ate it quickly and then she excused herself with the brightest of smiles.

As soon as she was in the safety of her bedroom , she took refuge in her restroom and threw it all up. Then she collapsed on her bed. And cried. For her , for him , for them , for their marriage , for their past , and for the future they will not have.

She allowed herself one night of crying over him. She allowed herself one night of trying to imagine what the other woman looked like , and what they did together.

Because the next day she will kick him out , she will divorce him , she will hurt him ,a nd she will make him pay.

She allowed herself one more night of loving him. At that moment

**She knew it was over.**

Chuck could literarily see his world fall apart. He was celebrating that night the opening of his empire , he was drunk , he missed her. All he remembers is waking up the other day with a woman, he hardly even recalls what she looks like.

He wished he did not drink that night , hell he wished he did not even opened that empire if it lead to losing her.

He loved her , for the life of him he loved her , and he knew no matter what she will never forgive him.

He broke his plate in disturbance, and even as the pieces flew in the room he did not feel a thing. He was bits and pieces and she out him together. She was the glue , and he did not know how to be without her. At that moment

**He knew they are over.**

Dorota was shocked. Chuck and Blair had a normal and civilized dinner then suddenly she passed by Blair's room and she heard crying , and she passed the Dining room and she saw Chuck gazing at his and Blair's wedding picture as if it was a severed head.

She did not realize that every time the door opened Blair sat there as if they have dinner every night together. It always was like that. They wait all this time for this time, and then when it comes they pretend it's the most natural thing in the world. Even if it were the night there marriage will be destroyed , even though it would be there last dinner together.

**A/N :I hope you like it.**

**Please review and tell me what you think .**

**Let me know if you are interested in a companion piece.**

**x0x0**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Blair watched as the sun rose. It was the beginning of a new day. Right now people were getting up to go to work, or to school. Some were happy tasting the thrill of something new, some were sad going through their everyday routine. Some were building a future; others were self destructing day by day.

She …. Well she was lost. Everything, the only thing she knew , she was sure of was gone.

She thought that by the time the sun came up , she would be ready to face everything. It only shed light on her scars. As she packed her bags, every article of clothing triggered a memory; it was like spreading lemon on a paper cut. All night the same thoughts haunted her.

Chuck kissing another woman, Chuck inside another woman, Chuck holding that woman.

Now, those thoughts seemed far away, surreal. Now, all she could see was him kissing her hand as she went into labor. Him with messy hair and clothes as he took care of their many future kids. She and him dancing in their kids weddings. She and him growing old celebrating the successful life they had together. This was gone, all gone due to one stupid mistake.

A side of her wondered: Was it worth it? Was this mistake done in one night worth losing all of their life over it?

The other side of her shouted: Yes! Yes! You will not be the woman who stood by her cheating husband! The one who swallowed her pride and hid her wounds, you will not be that woman, that weak housewife. She was broken hearted by him, and it wasn't the first time but it was the worst. She had completely removed any guard or defense she had , she trusted him blindly , she was his , and even after everything she had trusted him blindly expecting the best from him and believing in them with every fiber of her being. Her heart was not broken , it was gone. She couldn't imagine being well after that. The hardest fall is when it was from somewhere very haigh and stable , after all.

She stood immobile, staring into space. At that moment she realized, she was considering it. She was considering staying. At that moment she realized, she was sobbing.

At that moment she knew:

**She had to leave**.

Chuck was till in his sitting position in their dining room. He was still looking at their wedding picture.

They had many hopes and dreams that day. He never thought he would throw it all away with a stupid mistake.

He looked at her in the picture. She was glowing with happiness; her eyes were shining with happy tears matching his. He hated himself for what he has done. How could he be this foolish?

He also hates himself for hurting her. He is always hurting her. Not to mention all the awful things he've done to her before their marriage. Even after she became Mrs. Bass , he still let her down. Always busy with work , taking her for granted , coming home drunk when he promised her he will decrease his alcohol consumption , his refusal to have kids…

He was selfish , she made him selfless , he wanted to be selfless , but in the end he was who he was.

H e hate the thought of her crying over this, over him. He always wanted to be the one to protect her , comfort her from this world's deception. Somehow he always winds being the deception. He promised himself on their wedding that he will make her the happiest woman ever_. I love her, but I can't make her happy. _He turned out to be right. He refused to lose her, he can't! She is him and he is her and living otherwise is ridiculous and absurd. He hated himself for putting her in this situation , In which if she forgave him she would feel like she is compromising herself. But he would make it up to her , in however way that's achieved. He wanted to make her happy. He wished he could. But first he had to do anything , for he knew:

**He can't survive if she leaves.**

He heard a door being closed . It was their room. The room in which she would give herself over to him and surrender all she has for him , and he would do the same. He saw her , all pulled together with her bags . She was perfect. God , she was perfect. And God , did his heart fall on the ground. It felt like she was kicking him his stomach. He leaned on the dining table for support. She stopped at her tracks when she saw him. He stood there his hair an clothes messed up after a whole night of being up , his eyes pleading her , begging her. All his thoughts , every fiber of him , with every heart beat , said what he only knew :

**Please don't leave.**

Her eyes fluttered but she continued walking. Out of nowhere he was in front of the front door blocking her way.

Blair said calmly , serenely as if talking to a little kid , though Chuck swore he could see her legs shaking :" Move out of my way , Chuck."

Chuck shook his head , and said :" We need to talk."

Blair laughed humorlessly :" What is there to say?"

Chuck came closer to her , taking both of their breaths away . They looked intensely in each other eyes.

Just like yesterday night , just like always , nothing was said. Yet they understood , yet they knew:

**I have to go. **

**Please don't leave. **

**I HAVE to.**

**Please don't leave me. Please let's pretend it never happened.**

Chuck took the suitcase out of her hand. It was shaking , just like his.

She said :" What is her name?"

This scared the hell out of Chuck. Talking about it made it real. She said it , she made it real. It terrified him , for he knew :

**There is no pretending. It did happen.**

He stood there silent , she said :" See? There is nothing to talk about."

She tried to move past him , but he stopped her spreading his arms so that no matter what way she tries to leave he would be able to stop her.

To any outsider , it would have looked like he was hugging her. Though it was more like an act of desperation .

She said , again :" Move out of my way , Chuck."

He shook his head.

Blair was scared , he was too close. Too Chuck . And god knew she had the tendency to weaken when it came to him.

Chuck lowered himself , she thought he was going to lift her caveman way and take her back to their room , but to her surprise he got to his knees.

This reminded her

_Chuck on his knees. Asking her to be his wife. Him putting the most beautiful ring ever on her finger. He saying yes as happy tears swam on her cheeks. Him lifting her up and turning her around._

But this time it was sad tears that filled her face. This time he was covering her hand with kisses rather than jewels. Then he pressed his face on her waist and he hugged her.

He covered her waist with kisses and mumbled apologies.. Blair was crying openly now as she said in between sobs :" Chuck! Stop! Please , stop."

He looked up with glistening eyes and said :" But I love you."

Blair untangled him gently and ran out the door without even her bags as tears streamed down her eyes.

**And she left.**

**A/N: I hope you like it ; I really don't want to let down the people who liked the first part .I hope I was able to capture Chuck's side, it was a little hard. Blair is easier maybe because she is a girl. Anyway thanks for reading and please review.**


End file.
